"I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night"

The Kite Runner p 329
Khaled Hosseini
Bloomsbury Publishing UK 2003

This definition of forgiveness is so attractive, because it seems to indicate that there is a time when forgiveness just happens, rather than the forgiver making any effort. In searching the literature there are others, who state that they have come to a working relationship with the perpetrator, without forgiveness. Maybe this explains a more passive forgiveness than I experienced.

Upon reflection from a distance, I experienced a process, in which I took a principled decision to give up my justifiable right to revenge, for to accept violation would have devalued my self. I had suffered a serious offence in having my daughter killed for political reasons and had to combine justice and mercy in some uncanny way. Forgiveness at a personal level did that for me, and at the same time affirmed the action of the courts to imprison the perpetrators for 25 years. Justice was served, until the TRC when I had to renegotiate my own stance. Here was the opportunity through the amnesty process to forgive completely, without ignoring justice and now the perpetrators could go free! after only five years in jail. A profound opportunity for mercy and grace, although also a political move. A profound experience which was amply rewarding in dialoguing with the perpetrators.

See The Lyndi Story under articles on this website for further details.